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Searching for my word
Searching for my word…
It’s a tradition I’ve never participated in. With the year coming to an end, many of my friends and acquaintances will be choosing a word to focus on during the 365 days of 2012. Granted, many of my friends are writers, so this may not be as common a tradition as it appears to me to be.
This year, I’ve decided to find my word. Some change in my life seems like a solid idea. Things haven’t exactly been going in the direction I’d like them to. This year has been filled with loss. Some loss of relationships, some realization of the fact that there never was a relationship to salvage, and much loss of security. I’ve struggled with fears and anxiety, disappointment and sorrow.
I’d like my word to be something like…HOPE. But I’m not convinced yet that this is the one.
2011 wasn’t all bad, and in the end, I still have an amazing husband and my children are healthy. So maybe GRATITUDE should be my word. I’m sitting here in my darkened living room, still able to write this post with the electricity out. There are so many things that I’m grateful for, and shouldn’t that be our focus every year?
I’ve watched helplessly as circumstances around me have taken seriously wrong turns with no way to stop the runaway train. Maybe SURRENDER should be my word…but maybe FIGHT would be better.
What about COMPASSION. There’s something this world is greatly lacking. I do hope I can be a person of compassion, FORGIVENESS, STRENGTH and MERCY. All wonderful words.
There are so many words to choose from. Each seems right in its own way. So I’ll wait a while and hope the right word makes itself known.
What’s your word for 2012?
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Christmas past
This will be the last Christmas with all of my kiddos considered children. Next year my oldest will be eighteen and will already have made his first vote in a presidential election. I don’t know where the time went. Sometimes he walks in the room, and I have to do a double take. My 21 inch baby has turned into a 6′ 3″ man.
It’s always the oldest and the youngest that make me feel nostalgic.
A couple of days ago I was wrestling with the fact that my littlest baby will soon be entering the middle school years and will be on her first mission trip this coming summer. It’s too soon!
Step back in time with me and see a few of our earliest Christmas cards.
1999
2000
2002
2003
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That’s just how it is
My husband recently bought me a fun, Christmas-themed blanket for our bed. You wouldn’t believe how soft this thing is. Well, Hank (our aging yellow lab) and Azalea (our geriatric, balding cat) discovered the comfort of the new blanket and proceeded to spend every moment they could manage sleeping on our bed.
It didn’t take long for the new cover to be littered with critter hair. YUCK!
I pulled the blanket from the bed to wash and dry it. Now that may sound simple, but we’re having trouble with our dryer, which makes each load a test of my questionable patience.
That night we slept cozy with the fresh scent of dryer sheets filling our room. Awww.
The next morning my youngest daughter drug herself down the stairs. The fact that she had gotten herself up was a miracle in itself. Mornings are not her thing. I asked her why she was up already. Oh, how I wished I hadn’t even asked.
Apparently the sounds of the cat puking had disturbed her dreams. Yep, right there on my freshly washed blanket. Not only that, but it had gone all the way through to the sheets. I keep plenty of blankets on the bed so that was an accomplishment for the puker.
So I started and ended my day washing blankets and fighting the dryer. How fast things change.
That got me thinking, and you know when a puking cat gets you thinking, it’s probably not a good thing.
Last December everything looked perfect in my life. My career seemed to be swaying in a positive direction. We were all healthy. My relationships were strong. I was happy.
This December feels a bit like finding the cat has vomited on my fresh bedding.
But there will likely be another December in twelve months and maybe that one will find us in a easier time. I’ve been through enough to know that life goes on and good time show up again.
So we’ll enjoy Christmas regardless of the mess, and I pray you will have a sweet time this year too.
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How did Mary survive?
This is the question my mind slipped to during the meditation last Sunday. Claudia was talking to us about joy, but I couldn’t help but ponder how Mary must have felt. The sweet baby in her arms would be persecuted, shunned, and brutally killed.
Nothing hurts a mother deeper than the pain of her child.
I wonder how she managed to breath. How she was able to let him run down the street with the other boys. How she was able to paste a smile on her face and raise him without her fears and grief taking over.
Maybe she didn’t know the extent of her son’s future.
It seems that Joseph would have known. Did he share the future with his wife, or did he protect her?
But we know that in the end, she was there. She saw her child suffer for the sins of the world, and I wonder how she was able to bear the pain.
This video says it all.
So this is what I’m pondering this week. What do you think?
